Making Time for God
I was racing up the stairs to the second floor of our library this morning to make copies of some forms I needed to deliver when a painting of the crucifix caught my eye. It was an elaborate and colorful painting, and I wanted to pause and take a closer look at it, but I was aware the clock was ticking and my legs kept moving underneath me, taking me farther from it. I made a mental note to come back and take a look when I have more time. But then I thought, when will that be?
It’s the final stretch of the semester. Finals and deadlines for semester-long papers are looming. There’s a seemingly incessant flow of work to be done over the next 3 weeks, such that I’ve taken to calling my “List of Things to Do” my “Journal of Things to Do.” But today, as I raced back down the library steps with copies in hand to my car, my thoughts clicked, and I reprimanded myself: Ani, there are some things you can’t put on hold in your life. Prayer is one of them.
I pray every day, though admittedly, when it comes to this time of the college semester, not as thoughtfully. At night, I find I’m falling asleep before I can finish, and in the mornings, I’m often rushed and pray as I’m walking to class or packing my bag. What’s worse is my dorm is right next to the beautiful campus chapel, and whereas earlier in the semester, I’d stop in at least twice a week to sit and reflect and pray, thinking back, I don’t think I’ve been there since before Easter break.
What does this say about me? I hope it doesn’t say I feel I’m too busy for God, or forgetting about God in the midst of all these deadlines and business – not at all. If you can believe it, God is constantly on my mind. I think instead, what this is an example of is how at times in our lives, our relationship with God suffers because we are pursuing other, earthly positions or relationships. We think once we get to where we want to be, then we’ll have more time and leisure to thrust ourselves into prayer and faith. But we forget we’re human, and thus have an insatiable appetite for some things, so we’ll never stop wanting to be yet another step ahead from where we currently are.
I give thanks that I go to a Jesuit school. That simple run-in with the painting of the crucifix today reminded me of the duties of my Christian faith, and how I’ve not been tending to them as fully or as carefully as I should. Other times, it’s a run-in with a Jesuit on campus, or simply hearing the name of my school – Holy Cross – that reminds me of what I am already thinking of, but failing to focus on. There is a difference.
I think I’ll stop by the second floor of the library again sometime soon. Sometime this week, for sure. Tomorrow morning. No. Tonight!
Posted by: Maral | May 16, 2008 1:10 PM
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Posted by: susan terzian | April 23, 2008 5:38 AM
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