Nice piece of writing! I'm looking for good writers with something to say for a new book imprint we are launching. See www.freshairbooks.org for details.

Nice piece of writing! I'm looking for good writers with something to say for a new book imprint we are launching. See www.freshairbooks.org for details.

Yes, these poor deluded souls thought they wanted to meet someone, but what they really NEEDED was counseling and advice. From you, of course. Just like Jesus ministering to the poor. How sumg and condescending could you possibly be?

In contrast to some of the commenters, I thought this was an interesting piece on a legitimate subject. It's true that you should have clarified better from the start how the counselor role emerged within your interactions with the men you met. Still, I don't see you as having been harshly judgmental: in the best Christian tradition (I say as a non-Christian), you emphasize that all of us have our share of faults. If there is a God, I hope He/She appreciates your efforts to be a good person in the murky world we live in.

This does sound like a single woman who just didn't meet anyone from Match. She claims her knowledge of middle age male divorcees come from porno. She talks about how they "preen". The subject of the essay itself is simply old news, match has been around for at least five years now, and much has already been written. She is also very arrogant and condescending when she talks of all the "advice" she gave the men she met. Did she really think that this is what these men wanted when they answered her ad? Of course not, BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT ENTIRELY TRUTHFUL ON HER PROFILE! The fact that many people may lie, or leave out very pertinent information, is immaterial, this does not does not excuse this, especially from a so-called person of God. I myself have met very real people through Match, including a relationship that lasted two years. If one is real and honest on their profile they have a better of meeting the same. And how much of her experiences based on the fact that she herself had just come from a divorce? I wonder how many second dates she got? I am sure these men were prodded into telling their stories but someone who had not been honest about who she was? Did she tell the men she was a minister before they spilled their guts? When did she tell her dates? If we had been on a date and she had pulled out this stuff, I would be very upset. How could she hide something supposedly very much a part of her? What crap.

This does sound like a single woman who just didn't meet anyone from Match. She claims her knowledge of middle age male divorcees come from porno. She talks about how they "preen". The subject of the essay itself is simply old news, match has been around for at least five years now, and much has already been written. She is also very arrogant and condescending when she talks of all the "advice" she gave the men she met. Did she really think that this is what these men wanted when they answered her ad? Of course not, BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT ENTIRELY TRUTHFUL ON HER PROFILE! The fact that many people may lie, or leave out very pertinent information, is immaterial, this does not does not excuse this, especially from a so-called person of God. I myself have met very real people through Match, including a relationship that lasted two years. If one is real and honest on their profile they have a better of meeting the same. And how much of her experiences based on the fact that she herself had just come from a divorce? I wonder how many second dates she got? I am sure these men were prodded into telling their stories but someone who had not been honest about who she was? Did she tell the men she was a minister before they spilled their guts? When did she tell her dates? If we had been on a date and she had pulled out this stuff, I would be very upset. How could she hide something supposedly very much a part of her? What crap.

Elizabeth, I did not intend to chastise you. I was simply suggesting that what you get out of an experience correlates with what you put in to it. And I have to say that yours reminds me of other columns by frustrated singles which says: "no one meets my standards, and they are all so judgmental!" Or: "I can't find Mr. Right and no one will accept me for who I am." I hope your journey of self-discovery included some laughter at your own expense. And I wish you luck in the future.

Elizabeth, I did not intend to chastise you. I was simply suggesting that what you get out of an experience correlates with what you put in to it. And I have to say that yours reminds me of other columns by frustrated singles which says: "no one meets my standards, and they are all so judgmental!" Or: "I can't find Mr. Right and no one will accept me for who I am." I hope your journey of self-discovery included some laughter at your own expense. And I wish you luck in the future.

Oh puhleeze-talk about self-absorbed, self-satisfied false modesty, I not surprised you attracted mainly losers and narcisscists, you were waiving their flag, single female, will enable.!

Two women bought the house for sale next door and moved in. It was a mother-daughter pair. The daughter had teenage kid(s) that lived with their father and rarely were seen there.

Then they had a garage sale - on Sunday. Someone complained about that - Sunday. So they brought out a *professionally made sign that read:

SORRY I MISSED CHURCH AGAIN
WAS TOO BUSY PRACTICING WITCHCRAFT
AND BECOMING A LESBIAN

There's several places to NOT find Mr Goodbar. That includes bars, the Internet and church too. Turns out the father was a minister and behind the complaining about Sunday commerce.

church is the last place to look for a mate.

Marriage is a partnership between two people, mates no less. It doesn't have to be of the opposite sex or include sex at all but it must be a partnership of love. Marriage as you seem to me to see it is and the "ladies next door" were assumed by your peers to be doing it is as the song says, "both mother and daughter working for the Yankee dollar." Nothing could be farther from the truth.

If you seek a male-female relationship that includes offspring then the revealing test of the man is his attitude about feeding babies no matter who their fathers may be. It's a sure fire test for a prospective father that's a bit tricky to administer.

Sounds like the administrator of the test failed it in the "Internet" case. The adds on TV would lead one to believe passing the test is a given. Beginning the test by finding the attitude about undocumented aliens could reveal a prospective mate that's interested in feeding nothing more than his ego. But then those seeking kingdoms, princes and princesses are looking for what?

I'm sure you already know but research has found Jesus in the written historical record and She was a woman with a wife. And, they had 7 daughters according to some recognized official experts.

See http://www.hoax-buster.org page 2 for the true story of Moses/Jesus. Unfortunately, it pours a lot of ice water on your faith.

See http://www.hoax-buster.org/sellyoursoul for a better understanding of why finding Mr Goodbar at church doesn't happen real often.

Whats the point, you didnt meet the man of your dreams through match.com, big deal. If you paid anything try to get that back and move over. Its just a frigging website. To me this sounds like an e-mail that should be sent to Match.com customer service.

Reddy

Ms. Brown:

I'm not sure that I was clear enough about the fact that I don't work in a religious institution anymore. Although I could still return to a parish, I'm a writer. I was under no obligation to share what I did in the past, anymore than you or anyone else was obligated to share past job experiences.

Did I feel I should after a few emails? Yes, and I did.

(I would also suggest that dating a lawyer doesn't carry quite the same connotation as dating a clergyperson-I have only seen one profile where the clergyman was direct about what he did).

Again, I fault myself for perhaps not being in clear in saying that I sought out the role of counselor because it felt safe and comfortable, not because it was appropriate. It's interesting to me that I'm being chastised here for being direct about my own journey of transformation.

Elizabeth

I don't know if everyone hides something. When I tried Match.com ten years ago I gave the basic facts -- divorced, single mom, lawyer. Of course there are folks who would have written me off based on those facts, and that is unfair in a way, but it is their right.

I guess my opinion is that you did not really engage in the process in good faith, and so you really don't have much grounds to complain about how things worked out. And you could not really expect success either.

There are many dating sites for people who are decidedly spiritual. There were even then. The first person I dated back in the 90's was actually a minister. That didn't work out, but a while later I met a middle aged guy who did not fall within any of my parameters. We've been married for six years.

Thanks for the good comments. I really didn't "hide." I waited until the fourth or fifth email or IM to see if someone was serious enough to want to know more about me than my pictures. It just wasn't the first thing I shared. Everyone has something they don't share first off-a divorce, a former marriage, an epiphany (happy Epiphany!!). I'm not a deceptive or cowardly person.

Plus, I am quite aware of my tendency to want to help folks-not just men, but anyone who turns to me for help. So it was sort of a mutual thing. AND I'm working on being much more hard-hearted.

Best wishes to you, and thanks for your insights,

Elizabeth

Because some might tend to presume otherwise: I'm being serious, here: Gods' honest truth,

"But whether I spilled the beans fast or decided to hold off on revealing my collared past until we met, I soon sought out the role of confessor mom rather than that of hot momma.
I helped men reflect on unresolved divorce traumas. I advised them on how to approach their estranged children. I talked to them about their faith-or lack of it."

We may not be of the same religion, in fact, when they were trying to raise me Catholic, I was utterly-bewildered by the concept of 'vocation' (Do you feel it yet? Do you feel it *yet?* Yet? How bout *now?*)

..but, well, I kind of get it now. :)

Well, maybe except the 'hot momma' bit.

To Pagans, this is only a messed-up concept when people take it to certain places, like, for instance, wanting to call *you as a person* a 'hot momma.' Never having been of a matronly build, I feel fortunate to say no one has precisely voiced a wish for me to embody that particular aspect of the Goddess... or Momma, or, that particular form of 'hotness,' for that matter... in those terms. :)

Yet, it's a pretty rare individual... who can really actually see a 'priestess' as someone first committed to their Gods and people, and love *that* without it being a competition.

But, that's probably the only type worth your time. You shouldn't hide, Reverend.

If you have to, it will not get better.

No good end can come of dishonest means.
You don't have to make it the first thing people know about you, but you can't expect to present yourself as one thing, then patch that part of your life in later.

Gods know men are conflicted about sex, mostly by Christian religion, and... being a female Christian minister kind of turns all that for like a 270.... aka upside-down and sideways...

Gods know I've seen that, as Pagan clergy it can be difficult to get the point across that, 'Because I say you should not be ashamed of your sexuality does not mean I'm the one you should expect to be practicing it with, tonight.'

I have little idea what it would really be like as female clergy of the Abrahamic God.

Ever watch 'The Vicar of Dibley?' (BBC sitcom about a food-loving-but-sincere Episcopalian... vicar, trying to be human and religious at the same time. Great show apart from the cheaper gags.)

Love that stuff. Different religion, but, when it comes to dealing with other people's problems... good way to make light of it, somehow. :)

"It wasn’t that I lacked for swains. Somehow I always found a plausible reason to dismiss them-and return to my counseling “practice.”"

You don't have to be clergy for that, it's the 'I can fix him' complex that women without divinity degrees have pursued for centuries.

You just gotta avoid the 'I can fix everybody' syndrome. You find the person who can look at the priest you are and love *that.*

You're allowed.

And you won't find them by hiding.

*chuckle.*

Gods, Reverend. Welcome to the clergy. :)

Did you learn yet that the only counselor worth a hoot is one's own self? Seems to me that you spent a lot of time at that while faking counseling others who had already counseled themselves into unpleasant situations.

Maybe marriage isn't what God intended? God isn't a swinger is She?