Three steps to forgiveness

By Connie Domino
nurse, author

"Remove all doubt; have great faith." These admonitions we have heard from our spiritual leaders, psychologists and motivational speakers. They often define WHAT faith is without providing instruction on how it feels or HOW TO demonstrate it. To best manifest your goals and dreams, you remove doubts and replace them with faith or calm assurance that your goal has already manifested. I ask my workshop participants to raise their hands if they know they will have something to eat tomorrow. Every hand goes up. That is what great faith or calm assurance feels like.

What about doubts you're not so sure about, like whether your ex-spouse will pay their child support? These doubts require a 3 Step Technique based on the Law of Forgiveness used to positively affect a difficult relationship.

For goals that require greater faith than we can muster, we use a strategy that one of my clients calls "the F word." The "F Word" is "Forgiveness." Lack of forgiveness can block meeting goals and dreams in every area of your life.

To fully understand forgiveness you must know:

Forgiveness is something you do for yourself and not for the other person.
Forgiveness releases the hold that person's behavior has on your life. It immediately frees energy to come into your life and assist you to meet goals and dreams.
Forgiveness can unblock energy allowing for goals and dreams to manifest in every area of your life.

THE 3-STEP TECHNIQUE

Step 1: You must write a goal affirmation for the relationship you wish to improve. All the words must be positive and forward moving. To demonstrate the greatest faith, the affirmation must be written as if the goal has already come true and includes a believable goal date. State this affirmation three or more times daily.

Example: My relationship with __ex-spouse's name___ now has the following qualities:

Basic respect
Speaks positively about me in front of our children,
Pays child support payments in full and on-time, etc.

By: a goal date for manifesting.

Remove Barriers/Doubts to this Goal. List any excuses why this goal hasn't come true. Excuses act as psychological blocks and barriers preventing goals from manifesting. Simply turn the blocks around. If you think your ex-spouse hasn't paid because he is spending all his money on his girlfriend. Or, you believe your ex-wife is spending your child support payments going to the spa. Turn these blocks around and state the affirmation several times a day, Sample affirmations: "My ex-spouse pays his child support payments in full and on-time realizing this is important for the health and well-being of our children. Or, my ex-spouse uses my child support payments only to benefit our children."

You can complete Steps 2 and 3 in the privacy of your home. You do not need to contact the person you are forgiving or get them involved. To prepare, you will get into a comfortable position. You will bring the person you wish to forgive into your mind's eye. You will visualize their higher "angelic looking" self, and not their mean, nasty Earth self.

Step 2: You forgive the person you're angry with. The best way to forgive someone is to sincerely say an affirmation of forgiveness. You have a conversation with the person's higher self or soul letting them know that you forgive them completely and freely, and you release them, and release the incident that happened between you, and you hold them in the light. When you have completed your forgiveness affirmation, you visualize the person accepting it and you move to Step 3.

Step 3: Keeping them in your mind's eye, you will have a soul to soul conversation with the person's higher self. A person's higher self will not judge you, so you can literally pour your heart out to them. Begin by describing the problem and how it makes you feel. Second, describe the solution. Third, explain to them the consequences if their behavior doesn't change. At this point, you can visualize their higher self agreeing with your solution. Visualize the person's higher self accepting what you have said and then walking out a door.

Be ready for the positive changes the next time you have contact with your ex-spouse or whomever you are angry with. Tapping into the Law of Forgiveness through the 3-Step Technique is one of the most powerful strategies for positively affecting a difficult relationship. My coaching clients and workshop participants have reported great success using this technique.

Connie Domino, MPH, RN, is author of "The Law of Forgiveness: Tap into the Positive Power of Forgiveness -- And Attract Good Things to Your Life." She teaches public health nursing at the University of North Carolina. She's also a member of the HealthCentral/On Faith panel.

By Connie Domino |  December 7, 2009; 2:38 PM ET Save & Share:                 
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