Bullying: A call for climate change

By Nikki Grimes
author

"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore" seems to be the anthem of the age. So why are we surprised that incidents of bullying, and the dire consequences they often lead to, are on the rise? The heartbreaking story of Irish-born student, Phoebe Prince, driven to suicide by a clique of mean girls, comes to mind. And yet, you'll notice, I did not specify the rise of incidents of school bullying. Adults are increasingly getting in on the action.

Recent headlines on cyber bullying between grown women are proof positive of that. And let's not forget corporate bullying, i.e., bosses tormenting their often over-worked employees who, in an economy on the skids, dare not respond for fear of losing their jobs. Even scarier is the too-familiar image of the bomb-toting bully in terrorist clothing. I don't even want to go there. Still, we cannot get away from the fact that we live in a climate of revenge in which bullying has become the order of the day.

I do not propose to solve the problem of bullying here, but I would like to suggest an antidote to the climate of vengeance that fuels it, an antidote ripped right from the pages of the Bible: forgiveness. The power of, and need for forgiveness--of self, of others, and even of God--is the underlying theme of my novels A Girl Named Mister and Dark Sons. Forgiveness is an ingredient sorely lacking in the world today, and what a vast difference a healthy dose of it could make! Consider, for a moment, a couple of scenarios that might typically lead to bullying, and my point will become clear. Since my passion is for young adult literature, I've chosen illustrations from contemporary teen life.

A boy's parents get divorced and his father moves away with the new family. The boy is left with feelings of abandonment and anger. He can do nothing to alter the situation, nor does he feel free to express his anger to the sole parent who remains. His choices? He can allow that anger to simmer until it boils, then spew it onto some unsuspecting person outside of the home, possibly in the form of bullying. Or, he can forgive his mother for agreeing to the divorce, forgive his father--for being flawed, for leaving him, for breaking trust--and forgive God for allowing it all to happen. The boy is then free to release the anger that was eating him alive.

Here's another illustration. A girl, desperate for love, gives her virginity away to a teen who then loudly boasts of his conquest on the school grapevine. The girl becomes the subject of nasty gossip and is shaken by the depth of her humiliation. How does she respond? She may strike back by making some other young girl as miserable as she is. Perhaps she becomes jealous of a girl who is still a virgin, and seeks to ruin her by spreading false rumors. Perhaps she begins bullying one of the kids who helped spread the gossip about her. Whatever plot for revenge she may hatch, nothing will restore what she has lost. The girl could, instead, respond another way. She could, first and foremost, forgive herself for her indiscretion. She could, eventually, forgive the boy, and the gossipers whose tongues he set afire.The gossip, while hurtful, will eventually die down, to be replaced by some newer, juicier tidbit, no doubt. Even so, truth be told, the road forward will not be easy for this young girl, nor for the boy in the earlier illustration.

Forgiveness is hard work, requiring discipline and practice. However, an infusion of forgiveness releases an injured party to focus on the future, and allows space for the heart to heal. And after all, it is the heart that matters most. We are, all of us, walking wounded, and our conflicts with others generally stem from our efforts to defend ourselves, and to avenge our broken hearts. Our inclination towards vengeance would be greatly diminished were we to allow a spirit of forgiveness to have its way in our lives.

Nikki Grimes is a bestselling and award-winning author of more than 50 books. A Coretta Scott King Award winner and recipient of the 2006 NCTE (National Council of Teachers of English) Award for Excellence in Children's Poetry, many of her titles have been cited as Notable Books by the American Library Association.

Nikki is scheduled to attend the American Library Association's 2010 Annual Conference in Washington, DC, at 9:30 a.m. Sunday, June 27 in the Zondervan/Harper Collins Booth.

By Nikki Grimes |  June 10, 2010; 9:56 AM ET Save & Share:                 
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