Men raising men

By Curtis V. Hail
father, minister

It was a golden moment as dawn broke over the east Texas pond. Scattered along the banks, fathers and sons were fishing for nothing more exotic than perch, a bass if lucky. But fishing was only the pretext for something more sacred. The expedition was really a rite of passage where a father passes down to his boy a love of the outdoors and skills to experience it for a lifetime. It was also about the special fellowship of men, pursuing a common mission in some hidden corner of God's creation, so boys may learn the best of being a man.

The dawn's quiet sublime was broken only by my side-splitting laughter. It seemed the precious nature of our shared experience was not lost on my 10-year-old son, Clint. Thoughtfully he looked up at me with wide-eyed innocence, uttering infamous words that remain a standing family joke.

"Dad, this male bondage is really fun, isn't it?" Male bondage! He clearly meant "male bonding," but even so, where did a young boy get it? For all the humor, Clint had actually understood something very important. He sensed the value of moments like this for fathers and sons. Though misspoken, he eloquently captured the preciousness of sharing experiences with other like men. Hunting, fishing, camping, scouting ... wherever fathers spend time with their boys and men of good cheer, this is where boys learn best to be men of character and depth.

My wife and I had a peculiar philosophy of child-rearing. We believed children learn to become adults by hanging out with adults, not with peers. We deliberately included them in adult church, activities and conversations with ourselves and others. We exposed them to people of significance to let them grow a mature Christian worldview. Kids need socialization from other kids, but only from adults do children learn to become adults. And the better the adult input available to your kids, the better the adult output you get.
It worked well for our daughters, so when Clint was born, I determined we would start early venturing to the field and stream as father and son. On occasion, we made it a group outing with other men of Christian faith and character.

Clint was not only privileged to travel with Godly coaches, teachers and sportsmen, he also spent extended times with missionaries, pastors, leaders and interpreters on mission trips from Argentina to Uganda. He began his journeys with us at age five in Puebla, Mexico, where he came to faith in Christ, and began mimicking actions of the adults the following year, taking a bilingual Gospel tract on his own to share with the hotel doormen.

Such was the life journey that formed the young man we handed over to the U.S. Military Academy at West Point in 2004. Having graduated high school a few weeks previously, he embarked on a new leg of the journey to manhood ... a road that would test everything physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually that had come before. But it was because of the influence of these men - this forging of manhood through the press of the character and faith of significant men upon him - that I had cause for hope he would stand the test.

I stood in front of historic Washington Hall overlooking the Hudson River as the sun set on an emotional day having seen my son exit my life and irreversibly enter his own. A life now that would be challenging beyond compare and would inevitably lead to another field some day, one in a dangerous land called Afghanistan. I thanked God that night for the company of men that had produced the young man I proudly called son and that they had prepared him to join this new and different fellowship of warriors. It was in that moment I penned these words to my son, his first letter received during boot camp as a West Point Cadet.

**********************

In The Company Of Men
Curtis Hail to son, Clint - June 28, 2004

It is upon a splendid mid-summer's eve
a grown man now, our boy does leave;
as the parade recedes across that hallowed plain,
a storied part of West Point's most ancient fame ...

In the company of men.

His broad shoulders and square jaw fade from our sight
into that long gray line that led us to victory in many a fight;
I wonder through tears where did our boy go,
from whence did this man's man suddenly grow ...

In the company of men.

All boys grow up, but not all to be men
and that in our day is too often our sin;
what we should learn from history, from the wisdom of God's good book,
where boys grow to become men, if to its pages we would but look ...

In the company of men.

From boys, a boy learns at best to be brute
or for girls he may learn even to be cute;
from mother a boy learns to love and to plan,
but one sure place does a boy learn to be a man ...

In the company of men.

Don't be satisfied with just any sort of 'Sam'
shoot for the stars and pray up a rugged gentle man;
duty, honor, country are noble ideals high to be held,
by hands forged in discipline, tough love its strong weld ...

In the company of men.

As the boy's visage wanes, the memories repair
my heart buoys remembering those golden days fair;
recounting the countless ways, though much is a blur,
that my boy became a man, the ways by which it did occur ...

In the company of men.

Fishing trips with fathers and sons, or sometimes just the two alone
we organized gear, baited hooks, waited, and waited still under moons that shone;
on piers, on boats, in streams and lakes, we oft fished with men of true valor,
though guides sometimes smoked or spat and spoke in blue color...

In the company of men.

Hunts of every sort filled our autumns and springs as though we hadn't one worry
dove, pheasant, turkey, duck, geese and deer, such were our quarry; more misses than kills never did matter, tales were told, lies were swapped all in good humor, t'was for the joy of stories, jokes, or glowing silence around a dying camp fire making souls warmer ...

In the company of men.

Upon the gridiron of competition, the fields of practice and play, were your lessons first learned for in the crucible of feigned battle that confidence and trust and self-reliance were best earned; preparatory were these disciplines for the heat of real battle and stiff trials of hard life, the strength of body, mind and heart gained in sport steeled you for the coming strife...

In the company of men.

Coaches who screamed and pushed, or teachers who went for you that extra mile
all those who believed in you more than you believed in yourself, now wear a big smile;
Many a fine woman without whom you'd be lost, taught you from grades first to the last,
yet it was strong men who gained your respect that are most key to your present and past ...

In the company of men.

In the pew you heard great men of God preach from His Word, telling the salvation message and in church you saw that true manhood is reflecting the Son - God's perfect image; in teaching you learned truth, in liturgy our history, in worship His beauty and joy of your Father's faith, God's mantle someday will fall, so use your training and gifts in His service, to take your own place ...

In the company of men.

On the mission field you lived and worked, and there you learned most
from men named Eduardo, David, and Patrick who will gladly die right at their post;
faithfulness, servant-hood, and unceasing labor, of such are their characters' trait,
which if emulated is the path to your own Divine destiny, not just victim of some blind fate ...

In the company of men.

The mother's knee and wise, strong counsel is as surely critical to this man's evolution
but this tribute to the company of men is to counter today's sad, dangerous revolution;
too many little princes, too few young kings, we raise little boys to be big boys, not as young men, in their life is a hole, no mighty men of God a model, which is today our great sin ...

In the company of men.

So I thank God for that company of men who made my boy a real man
I've no credit for what God, Mom and other men have done, what only they can;
it's not pride I feel for that suggests that I might somehow share in the credit,
its happiness for this young man I feel, knowing to Whose ledger goes all debit ...

In the company of men.

Now into another company of men I entrust the boy turned man
and the stakes have skied, for its now a matter of his very life that is at hand;
but this company of men has long been his dream, his vision, his ambition,
so for a lad to live out his boyhood dreams, is indeed a man's finest condition ...

In the company of men.

But it is not now, nor ever truly was, a company of men in whom I trusted
for its the Creator of man and the Lord of all men in whom our faith is best vested;
He gave the boy the mother, sisters, women and a company of men he did well need,
so on this eve and a plain now his home, I trust God to make my son a man they shall heed ...

In the company of men.

Curtis Hail is President & CEO of e3 Partners Ministry, an international church planting ministry based in Plano, Texas. Clint Hail, West Point class of 2008, serves as an officer in the 10th Mountain Division, U.S. Army. He and his wife, Lt. Tyfani Hail, are scheduled to deploy to Afghanistan in 2010.

By Curtis V. Hail |  June 17, 2010; 2:47 PM ET Save & Share:                 
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