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Choosing abortion: moral decision making on MTV
By Frances Kissling
Somehow MTV's hit program "16 and pregnant" never entered my consciousness.
Yes, I know that 750,000 teens become pregnant each year and 500,000 go on to have babies. Tragically, two thirds of those children will grow up in poverty; 62% of their mothers will not get a high school diploma. And 25% of teen mothers are likely to have second child within two years. One hears a great deal from those opposed to abortion about how much help is out there for economically strapped pregnant adolescents, but the statistics don't lie. Pregnant teens and their babies are by and large a forgotten lot.
When MTV decided -- after three seasons of chronicling the ups and downs of the chaotic relationships and lives of teens who had babies - to air a single half hour episode on teens who decided to abort, I decided to watch. Media coverage of women who have abortions has been scant; it's rare that women who abort are willing to go public with their stories and the intense pressure from those opposed to abortion to any presentation of the decision as positive has scared media off.
So a program that highlights three teens, one in depth, who decided to have an abortion was worth watching. What kind of decisions would these young women make about ending a pregnancy? Frankly, reviewing the bios of the previous participants who had babies revealed little in the way of thoughtful moral reflection. What is the right thing to do in this situation? For the most part, the teens who had babies seemed to just let it happen. It was for them an "easy" decision.
Not so for Markai Durham, the teen profiled in depth by MTV. Markai had a baby girl when she was 16. Zakaria, by all accounts was the most important person in her life and she rose to the occasion, not only caring for her child, but finishing high school and negotiating a largely loving and positive relationship with James, the baby's father, also a teen. Then, another pregnancy occurred. Markai, who was using Depo Provera, a long acting injectable contraceptive missed her appointment for the shot and the couple neglected to use condoms. Another pregnancy. A different decision.
I was struck by how alone Makai felt when facing the decision to abort. There is something about a woman's relationship to a pregnancy and the process of decision making that is very private, perhaps this is so with many life and death decisions - when to stop treatment for an "incurable" cancer, whether or not to take charge of our own death. Even with support, the weight of decision making rests solely on the individual. In Markai's case, she and those she consulted recognized this. Her mom said "I can't help you with this. I will support you whatever decision you make, but you must decide." So said her best friend and her partner. For clergy, Markai's loneliness is significant; not only was there no spiritual leader she sought advice from, neither did any of the other women in the story. Are we truly there for pregnant women? And, do they need us?
For, with great strength and wisdom beyond her years, Markai engaged in exactly the kind of ethical decision making process the most sophisticated of theologians would recommend. She considered four things: how an abortion is performed, what responsibilities she had to her existing child and to herself and what responsibilities she would have to a second child; and what was she aborting - a person, a baby a "thing."
She took responsibility for getting pregnant. While noting that she was unaware that she could immediately get pregnant when the shot wore off, she still considered it her "fault". "I could have looked it up on the internet" and she understood that she and her partner could have used a condom as a back up. She immediately sought information about abortion, first on the internet and then in a tearful call to an abortion clinic. During the call, asking adult questions about types of procedures and post operative health, the emotions of a young and fragile woman emerged. "How will I feel?" she wanted to know. Throughout her journey of decision there was this balance between emotions and desires and the need to "do the right thing"; to make the "best decision". This was not a woman letting herself off the hook. Even after the abortion, Markai was prepared to ask her partner "could we have done better" while living comfortably with having done that which they thought best.
What in Markai's mind constituted "doing the best thing?" In all her conversations, her daughter was uppermost in her mind. She had a responsibility to the child she had brought into the world. Both she and James frequently referenced the pain of their own childhood, poverty, the fear of eviction, being hungry. They did not want to impose this on the child they had nor the one that was to come. They considered whether they could manage. James could get two jobs; but they worried that the strain that would put on the relationship would be bad for everyone. Markai wanted to go to college. She put that problem to rest noting that she had succeeded in beating the odds by getting her high school diploma while pregnant. Again, there was letting herself off the hook.
The burden of responsibility to others was the deciding factor in having an abortion. God came into it only briefly when her partner James said "God made us with a brain." He sets a path before us and there are forks in the road, we decide which ones to take. Quite a beautiful expression of following one's conscience.
Throughout the decision-making process the bond between Markai and the fetus was acknowledged. Early on when the subject of adoption was raised Markai was, at six weeks pregnant "in love with this baby who is doing nothing but making me sick." She could not see herself carrying the pregnancy to term and giving the baby up for adoption. Her understanding that one is not obliged to engage in supererogatory acts of sacrifice for another reflects the views of many ethicists and theologians who have written on abortion and adoption.
A difficult choice, the hardest she will ever make, a choice that she will remember forever, "nobody with a heart" James says can do this easily. After the abortion comes further reflection on the fetus/baby. The counselor in the clinic suggests that Markai avoid thinking about "ten fingers and toes" but understand that a six week fetus is not the same as a baby. The counselor's depiction of the fetus at six weeks as a "little ball of cells" is less than accurate, but an alternative description of a six week old fetus as a fully formed baby would be more misleading. James also tries to minimize the enormity of the decision to abort by referring to the fetus as "thing" but Markai is having none of it. She is a moral agent who can accept that abortion ends the life of "a bunch of cells that can become her." The "her" of course is Markai's first child.
Perhaps most profound is Markai's unwillingness to let anyone mitigate the pain she feels at the choice she needed to make. Her deep understanding that unwanted and unsustainable pregnancies entail the choice between two or more goods is impressive. The positive power that women have to bring new life into the world is weighed against the extremes of deprivation and the suffering that new life sometimes brings. Every woman is alone in understanding this reality and the power she has to decide matters of life and death. If anyone for or against abortion believes that women do not understand this dilemma and do not weigh it with infinite love and responsibility, Markai's process should bring about a change of heart. Even the youngest of women have the wisdom of the ages within them.
Frances Kissling is Visiting Scholar Center for bioethics at the University of Pennsylvania and former president of Catholics for Choice.
More On Faith and abortion:
Fr. Frank Pavone, Priests for Life: No Easy Decision, indeed
By Frances Kissling |
December 30, 2010; 1:53 PM ET
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Posted by: gamiller1 | January 7, 2011 12:29 PM
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Markai's contraception method didn't fail. She failed to get her shot on time. Additionally, couples who really don't want children should be using two forms of contraception. The practical reality is that people have sex. Using contraception is the best answer to the practical reality. Also, Markai wasn't selfish. She was thinking of the child she has already. I actually don't believe in abortion as an answer but I'm loathe to condemning it as always selfish. Sometimes it is. Sometimes, it isn't. Markai chose the child she has over one that has not yet come. A tough but understandable choice.
Posted by: dcgal2010 | January 4, 2011 12:38 PM
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Unfortunately, Markai and her partner would have been in the same situation regardless of their marital status. It would not have affected their financial situation. That's something that needs to be considered when advocating for abstinence until marriage. By itself, it is not a solution.
Posted by: melanie8 | January 4, 2011 11:09 AM
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The comment:
"Safe Sex (Contraception) could really help to avoid teenage pregnancy"
is not comprehending the fact that this young lady used contraception and that contraception is fallible. It has a failure rate and lives hang in the balance. That is why since the 1960's although the use of contraception has gone way up, the numbers of teen pregnancies and abortions has also gone way up.
If people waited for sex until marriage, we would completely wipe out AIDS and all other STD's as well as establish healthy families which are stable enough to welcome additional children.
Posted by: 8Lucy | January 1, 2011 7:55 PM
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If the Dark Ages Vatican and other religious leaders could understand that Sexual intercourse provides the peak of human physical and emotional pleasure, and that having sex for fun is NOT a "Sin".
Safe Sex (Contraception) could really help to avoid teenage pregnancy. But no - - the idiots want only abstinence taught in sex education.
Millions are stuck with the Vatican’s Biological Ignorance, and their man-made religious Dark Ages Dogma - - and their ridiculous pretense that The Pope is infallible and that HE, a mere scientifically ignorant man can tell people what God wants re: Sex . . . . . Now THAT is downright Stupid!.
Posted by: lufrank1 | January 1, 2011 1:50 PM
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For the people willing to adopt, care and nourish a child but cannot because of red tape - for all the couples who desperately want a child, but simply cannot - for the baby for will now grow up without ever having a chance to know her sibling - this decision to abort is truly sad. Regardless of how difficult it was to make the decision, it was selfish.
Posted by: dkals10 | January 1, 2011 11:52 AM
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I completely agree with the comment right below. Delaying sexual activity as much as possible, ideally until marriage is the right ing to do in the first place. I believe untold harm has been done with trivializing sex and even making it a "right". Is actually a big responsibility.
Posted by: GSeeker | January 1, 2011 9:57 AM
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All of the sadness experienced by the young parents and their children, as well as the grandparents could be avoided if they saved sex for marriage.
Posted by: 8Lucy | December 31, 2010 6:26 PM
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Markai is extremely fortunate that she and her child have James. The case is somewhat unrepresentative since for the majority of teen mothers, the "baby father," whether black or white, is no where to be found following the birth.
Some efforts are underway to encourage teen mothers to bring the fathers to court, forcing them to take responsibility for their children.
Bottom line: YOUNG GIRLS, especially, poor young girls continue to have babies, throwing away their own lives, the lives of their children.
But they are only girls, so, no matter. And black girls at that....
Thank you for this article.
Posted by: FarnazMansouri2 | December 31, 2010 12:11 PM
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Another Black Face chooses ABORTION !!! Interesting that a group like MTV who is so cozy with the eugenics founded Planned Parenthood organization - would air such crap !!! Perhaps they, like their Planned Parenthood associates want more black girls to abort their children. If you recall, Planned Parenthood's founder used this tactic and called it the "Negro Project" and then Margaret Sanger went on to give Klan speeches. Now Planned Parenthood praises Margaret Sanger and partners with MTV. So- why a BLACK GIRL aborting??? A powerful film explores this question- it is called: Maafa21. get ready to meet the elites and learn how the targeting of blacks is an ongoing plot in existence for 150 years - watch Maafa21 and see why- http://www.maafa21.com
Posted by: rapnsum | December 30, 2010 6:05 PM
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A child at risk of abortion is at risk of an intentionally lethal act of physical violence. Violence against children is never necessary. All violence against children is preventable.
Before as well as after birth, children should never receive less protection than adults.
Communities must support their families' capacity to provide them with ongoing care in a safe environment. Their mothers' personal and social needs can be solved by non-violent means.
It is appalling that any child should be aborted because the child's mother fears financial difficulty.
Posted by: ritaJ2 | December 30, 2010 4:26 PM
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lufrank1
What has the Pope got to do with the you getting your nut on? You obviously do not care about the reprecussions of a free sexual lifestyle. The Bible DOES condemn sex outside of marriage, both in the OT and NT and most likely, it's been ages since the pope has read much of either; they usually read and make decisions on their own writings. The morality of extra marital sex is addressed in the Bible, whether you accept it or not, so the morality of it has nothing to do with the pope, but with one's belief system.
While I am not Catholic, at least the pope has given himself over to the study of something bigger than simply that which feels good to him.