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The L-word
My personal tradition has been to avoid the L-word. This has little to do with my secular humanism, other than valuing evidence. When I was a math professor in the 1970s at Clark University in Massachusetts, a woman I had been dating for several months told me she loved me. She was the first woman to tell me that, and I was taken aback. I thanked her and reciprocated by saying that I liked her but didn't know what love was. She broke up with me shortly thereafter.
A few months later, I was invited to appear on a radio talk show to discuss, "The joys of bachelorhood." Before the show began, the host told me I'd be free to speak my mind, but I couldn't use certain words on the air. When I asked, "What words?" he said, "You know, like the four-letter word that rhymes with fire truck." I repeated his warning on air, adding, "As far as I'm concerned, the four-letter word that has caused the most harm, the word that has been the source of the most hypocrisy, is the word love." The host shouted, "That's the most awful, disgusting thing I've ever heard. You should be ashamed of yourself, making fun of such a beautiful word. We better take a commercial break now and come back for phone calls."
During the break, he said matter-of-factly, "I agree with you. I think the show is going quite well, don't you?" My first radio interview taught me that you couldn't necessarily expect hosts to believe what they spout. I wasn't sure if my attitude about love was motivated more by honesty or fear of commitment. I eventually concluded I was probably just being a jerk.
In 1990, I finally felt comfortable using a word I couldn't define. Before I met Sharon, I could make the same claim as Woody Allen's character in Manhattan, that I hadn't had a relationship with a woman that lasted longer than the one between Adolph Hitler and Eva Braun. Though I don't believe in souls, I'm comfortable saying Sharon has been my soul mate (and my first love) for the past 20+ years.
By
Herb Silverman
|
February 14, 2011; 1:10 PM ET
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Posted by: fhay18 | February 15, 2011 10:00 AM
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Our genes are driving the bus here. It's all about getting copies in the next generation and our genes are not particularly concerned about our happiness as long as the job gets done. Think about all of the rutting and butting in nature between males of a species trying to win the rights to reproduce. Are they "happy"? Their genes don't care and neither do ours. Love is just our way of wallpapering over this reality. Happy Valentine's Day.
Posted by: jonesm2 | February 15, 2011 9:45 AM
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Anything we do is a trade. Even the belivers won't love the Lord if they get nothing in return. The same is true with love and marriage. A simple example that sparked Church outcry during 1993 was the movie Indecent Proposal acted by Robert Redford.
Posted by: Kent-State-University | February 15, 2011 7:22 AM
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What a nice Valentine's Day tribute to love and to Sharon. It may be difficult if not impossible to define the word love, but you know it when you experience it and receive it.