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Oppose intermarriage, but support the intermarried
Chelsea Clinton, raised Methodist, and Marc Mezvinsky, Jewish, will wed this weekend.
Statistics show that 37 percent of Americans have a spouse of a different faith.
Statistics also show that couples in interfaith marriages are "three times more likely to be divorced or separated than those who were in same-religion marriages."
Is interfaith marriage good for American society? Is it good for religion? What is lost -and gained -when religious people intermarry?
The fact is, people from different religious backgrounds do marry. "Should" rarely figures into it. So I am not sure what the benefit is in rabbi, priest, pastor, imam or (religious leader here) making a pronouncement for or against. Intermarriage is a fact of American life.
For the record, I oppose intermarriage before the fact. After the fact, I support marriage. One of the reasons intermarriage concerns me -- aside from the sociological and demographic challenges it poses to minority religions like my own -- is the statement it makes about the role of faith in the life of the individual and the new family he or she creates. It is near impossible to compartmentalize religion. Holidays and life cycle milestones become negotiations; someone who should be an intimate is instead a bystander.
Still, plenty of people find a way to make that part of it work. But the transfer of the wall of separation between religion and government to the soul is dangerous for the person of faith. Religion is personal, but it is not private. The different world views that contribute to the diverse nature of American culture find their best nurturing in a family.
Of course, of course, every loving marriage should be encouraged and supported. Those of us still committed to endogamy have a special responsibility, I think, to model by our lives the role that a unified religious identity plays in enhancing the best of marriages, while practicing the mandates of that religious identity to love and honor all children of God.
So the question is not "should religions intermarry," rather "how shall we embrace and support people when they do intermarry."
By
Jack Moline
|
July 26, 2010; 4:27 PM ET
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Posted by: lepidopteryx | July 28, 2010 8:39 AM
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"Statistics also show that couples in interfaith marriages are "three times more likely to be divorced or separated than those who were in same-religion marriages.""
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Posted by: PSolus | July 27, 2010 9:49 PM
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I am the result of an interfaith marriage. My mom is Irish Catholic and my father is Jewish. I went to Catholic grade school and attended Hebrew school on the weekends during that time. When I reached 8th grade, I made the decision to be confirmed and join the Catholic community. I think that everyone deserves the chance to make a logical decision concerning how they want to practice their faith. It should be in the constitution, for crying out loud. My decision was between two amazing traditions, but, ideally, one would be able to choose between a large number of faiths. Interfaith marriage isn't the perfect tool to create that choice for young people, but it is a great start.
I also think that it is pretty ignorant and egocentric to think that a family that celebrates more than one religious tradition would be at some sort of disadvantage. The more points of view, the better. And, let's not kid ourselves, celebrating Channukah and Christmas in the same month is great for kids. It is an opportunity for them to become familiar with more things (learn more), and that is always a good thing.
It is old fashioned to think that one religion is best. Embracing differences in the home will lead to embracing differences in the community as a whole. How could one possibly think that is a bad idea.
I should add that at the current moment I am an agnostic christian. I have had it with the Vatican and the Pope. They constantly back-up unreasonable ancient traditions which don't logically apply to the worlds current situation. They also evade legal authorities by hiding pedophiles, claiming that they [ignorantly] believe that pedophiles can be helped. They can't ... and they belong in jail. But that is another story all together.
Posted by: leibowde84 | July 27, 2010 4:42 PM
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My husband and I practice different religions. Some of our beliefs are the same, and some are VERY different. On those parts of our Paths that we can walk together, we do so joyfully, hand in hand and heart to heart. On those parts of our Paths that we must walk separately, we give each other the time and space needed to do so. Neither of us would ever ask or expect the other to convert. Our religious beliefs are only one aspect of the people with whom we fell in love, and how the other person conducts hizzer relationship with the Divine is not a deal-breaker for us.
When I was raising my daughter, her father, her stepfather, and I all practiced different faiths. I provided her with opportunities to learn about not only her dad's, her stepdad's, and my faiths, but also other fiaths that none of us practiced, and I allowed her to decide what aspects of different paths did and didn't make sense to her, and to accept or reject any or all of them, in part or in whole, as she saw fit.